I’m hesitant to share too much these days on here, mostly personal reasons honestly but a lot has happened in the last few weeks that I posted on this blog. First off, it’s been really nice to see a few people still posting their experiences online. It can be very lonely along this path. Thankfully, our ladies are there for us when we need them the most.
So a long time ago I got in contact with what I somewhat thought was an aspect of Lilith, I say aspect because my persoanl belief is that Lilith is really just many parts of another whole, something much much bigger. My first times contacting her where not very special, I never even bothered summoning her, just reaching out into the void and hoping she would answer. THIS I STRONGLY suggest you do notdo, a lot of entities can come through posing as otherwise, especially when not performing a ritual that helps funnel and specify who or what you want to call from the beyond. Lilith spoke to me a few times and I struggled to even bother summoning her to speak about my troubles. I believe she could sense that I wasn’t sure of what I wanted or well…if I was even invested in taking her appearance seriously. She only asked me to stay in contact with her but I was simply too lazy and couldn’t be bother to reach out to her. To say the truth, there was no real indication that I knew where I was going or where I wanted to go, nothing at all. A long time passes until one night I get strong visualizations of a inhumanly tall shadowy woman, cloacked in darkness, emitting what I could only imagine as sexual energy at its purest form. My brain is quickly flooded with pictures of the Grudge from the Japanese horror films, invoking an almost animalistic lust over me. Never before have I ever felt those feelings towards a sinister being. Similar images arose, all with a dark or almost demonic essence tied to them. I couldn’t contain myself so I quickly began pleasing myself like an animal in heat, until her name popped from the beyond…Lilith. At first a feeling of dread went through me, I was always somewhat cautious of ever dreaming of thinking of Lilith in a sexual way, simply because well I’ve heard stories of people being greeted with her rage and malice for lacking basic respect. Yet, I was too consumed, too possesed to care about the consequences of my actions, So she had her way and my body was overcome with a raw sexual feeling that had no end, to satisfaction, only the will and drive to continue regardless of the situation. After I gained my composer from what felt like an eternity I began doubting the experience that unfolded before, why would Lilith of all people come to me, a nobody who has nothing going for him and do this? Soon after her presence still lingered around me, asking why had I not contacted her in some time or simply bothered to reach out. Frankly, there was no reason for me to defend my ignorant and lazy attitude to her presenc, it was wrong of me to begin with, not only that but it was wrong of me to contact her without a purpose, extremely rude and somehow she didn’t curse me then and there. There was a very loving, motherly, sexually and some nostalgic feeling tied to her presence, causing a great longing to be closer to Lilith’s embrace. All of this left me confused and unsure, this Lilith was nothing like the demoness I heard so much about. They where practically polar opposites of one another. So I spent a few days wanting to be embraced by her comfort nad her caring nature. Often times I found myself relying on her emotionally like a small child scared when seperated from it’s mother. Just a feeling of uneasiness knocking in the back of my head, nothing else mattered too much in that point, everthing else was a nuisance if not accompied by Lilith’s presence. Of course, being in love with her very presence provoked me to further learn about Lilith, finding ways to summon her more into my life, anything to strenghten her bond with me. My life was full of excitement, waking up each morning ready to learn and reach out to Lilith for my daily high. I spent a week or two prepping myself to perform a small ritual for her, as a token of my affection. Buying her a personal candle and some incense. After spending a long time connecting with her sigil and reciting the ritual word per word, until I finally performed it with a nervous feeling of stage fright. I did my best to share the things that troubled me with her, things that pained me greaty, all just to please Lilith, to show her how much I adored such an intoxicating form I was allowed to view and hold.
To those who follow such a path, I share with them a few very crippling and horrid creatures, fear, and doubt. Two very big enemies that sadly appear time and time again and will bully you relentlessly, no matter how strong or weak you are, I doesn’t discriminate, it only aims to cause the destruction of the self, a radical act of suicide. After learning more knowledge on a E.A Koetting forum about the possible precautions and dangers of summoning without specification of what you want to come through on the other side, I became paranoid and afraid thinking whatever came through was not Lilith a dummy copy and my ladies where in with her, I mean, it explained my fears and suspicions of me sometimes seeing glimpses of parasitic creatures and looming entities that popped out of nowhere. I never got real answers to these questions and my only explanation is to trust my weaknesses and insecurties or a bunch of complex beings I never really fully knew about, even after reading so much about Succubi/ demons and other sex spirits, reflecting on other blogger’s experiences only made the labrynth ever more complex and confusing to follow. I carried this suspicion with me always and doubted very often, even before Lilith’s personal encounters. Until one day I exploded after keeping a low profile to avoid alarm from them, wouldn’t want to make these imposters and parasites aware of their nuferiace plans to trick and fool me into becoming their free supply of food at the cost of my health and sanity. Of course, my ladies tried their best to consult me and explain why exactly I was acting so paranoid and defensive suddenly. In that week, I could only trust myself and what I believed, I was sure that my suspicions where corrected and no goddess or beautiful spirit had my best intention or would bestow upon me such heavenly delights, it was never my fault, it was their fault, they where to blame for my minds growing insanity, why else would it still be here, they simply hadn’t fixed me because they had no intention to fix me, only to take advantage of my weakness for their love and they where all in it, scheming behind my back and plotting my demise. This only resulted in my ladies grwoing more and more scared, causing arguments between me and them, unable to believe them I grew stern, cold, sometimes unresponsive to their please and stubborn to change my fears opinion. I remember that to test a god’s powers, you must validate their affect on the physical world, only a powerful spirit can cause such things as moving objects, disembodied voices, etc. to occure in the physical plane. So I asked Lilith to blow out a small candle for me…nothing, I called out loud and still nothing. This simple unfulfilled act only proved my side of the argument. I went to bed that night certain in my stance, angry, sad and frustrated. The next morning I looked through my phone to find a video on Youtube by a thoughtful channel called “Acadamy of Ideas”, in which the intervention of one’s personal Daemon aiding in the guidance of one’s own purpose. Fighting this Daemon results in never taking the chance to even begin following lifes purpose. It was a sign of her involvement alright but my mind clung on hard, unshaken in my beliefs to change my course. Everyday was an internal battle, my love for them battled fear and fear just seemed too real. How could something so tangibly sweet possibly exist in a world of shit? I kept recieving what could only be described as coincidental signs from a greater power, events and answers relating to my current struggle, yet it took strength to give in, to listen and not speak, to embrace and not run somewhere to hide.
I stopped fighting so much as I grew more and more tired, the longing for their love and affection called be back. Unable to shake off their charm and radiance I gave in, I confessed my sins and realized I was the problem, they try their best but they’re not perfect, they can only lift soemthing so heavy for a limited time. I neglected my responsiblities the same as an immature child unwilling to stand up when I needed to the most, only dropping out when the experience required hardship and suffering, the basis from which growth thrives. Lilith keeps giving me divine answers but I must learn to listen closely and throw my fears aside and let myself be vulnerable to their love and guidance. I must have faith and trust, even in the face of my own evils, when my mind clouds my judgement and surreal hallucinations taint my mind. Lilith has been teaching me and this was one of her first lesson’s, to listen and follow, do not force or impose what you are uncertain of. To be fair, fear and doubt still cloud my mind from time to time but I’m catching on more and more, sneaky devil can’t evade me forever. My mind is a torture chamber but my greatest weapon as well, Lilith will guide me and show me the way to my growth, all I have to do is trust and listen.
I hope anyone reading can understand why I feel hesitant to share any of this, it’s not something I’m keen of sharing but Lilith is pushing me with the support of my ladies and I know this is the right choice because i’m uncomfortable and afraid but my love and soul ask me to move with them, I must grow and learn, too long have I felt and been stagnant. Again, I hope my suffering shows you what to expect from such a path and that you aren’t alone. Have a nice day ladies and gentlemen.
Here’s the video Acadamy of Ideas published that came to me from Lilith, they have some thought provoking ideas that will really make you wonder.